Alcohol and social anxiety

-Ask the Expert-

Question:

Doctors, I will explain you my situation. I have been shy with girls since I was a kid. In fact, people considered me a bit naïve, and girls did not like me. I have never been in a relationship, even in a short one. This went on until I was 19 years old. One day, during a party with friends, I began drinking alcohol (I never drunk before).

Initially, the effect was very positive. While bar hopping, all the girls I met on my way wanted to chat with me. Alcohol’s effects made me very confident. Since I started to drink every weekend, I met plenty of girls and I had many “relationship”. These were always short-lived, and without much emotional involvement. I never exposed myself with girls that I was actually interested in, because I feared to be refused. At this point of my life I realized that I couldn’t go on like this, and I would like to be intriguing without being tipsy.

How can I talk with a girl that I really like without looking clumsy?

Answer:

Dear Fabio, clearly there is no seduction pill or magic spell that will make you “intriguing.” Charm comes from the value that you give to yourself, regardless of the answer (positive or negative) that you receive from the world. If you learn how to like and respect yourself (without becoming blind to reality, or disrespectful to others) you will obtain respect and recognition consequentially. It is not about beauty (and I believe you already understood this), but about inner peace and harmony.

Alcohol and drugs attracts insecure people because they inhibit their self-critical judgment. This way though, the problem worsens because it is not faced, and because alcohol and drugs gives bad side effects both physically and psychically.

My suggestion is to try to understand which were the events that convinced you that you are not good enough to fulfill yours and others’ expectations. Then you should analyze them and find in yourself the confidence that you are looking for, because that can never come from outside. Of course, you can visit a specialist to help you do this.

Good Luck

Answer:

Lara Scarsella, Psychotherapist

Question:

Fabio, 23 years old

Publication Date: 06/15/2007

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