Question:
Hi, my name is Silvia, and I am 19 years old. My help
request is not for me, but for my brother. He is completely addicted to the
Internet, especially to Role-playing games and online poker. He studies
computer science, but he is not doing well in school, probably because of his
addiction. The situation in my family is getting terrible. Since she always
sees him with the computer, my mother is getting very worried.
His social relations are zeroed, because even though his
friends kept calling him to hang out, after his repeated refusals, they
stopped. My mom tries daily to communicate with him; she tried in a calm and
serene way, and in a more authoritarian way. Nothing worked out, because he
denies that he has a problem.
Unfortunately my parents’ threats are never supported by
actions, so they are ignored and absolutely useless.
I read some articles about Internet addiction, and I think
that my brother fit the description of the typical addict.
In my (humble) opinion, I think that the biggest problem is
that he does not want to admit the addiction, and this prevents him to be able
to face it.
I hope you can suggest me something, thank you.
Answer:
Dear Silvia, to begin a therapeutic solution, there are two
necessary conditions: your brother must become aware of his problem, and he
needs to develop a critical relation with his pain and motivation to change the
situation.
This way he would be able to modify the dysfunctional
relationships and behaviors, achieving a good self-esteem (which is probably
lacking), a good knowledge of himself and of his internal world, a stable
relationship with his own emotions, and overall a life’s project.
In Internet-addiction cases, the addict escapes from all
these things, he escapes from himself and from others, he basically escapes
from reality. Achieving awareness of the problem, as you correctly said, is the
main knot: your brother is not yet, from what you wrote, at that point.
The attraction of videogames and role-playing games is huge.
Conflict is useless, as well as threats.
It is important to communicate and to listen, and that is
not an easy task. The reasons for your brother’s addiction are not to be
searched only in him and his personality, but also in the family history, in
his relationship with you all and with others. He evidently did not learn how
to face reality and life, and escaped from them hiding in the virtual world.
But the virtual world is an illusory hiding place.
He will ask for help when he will realize that his hideout
is transparent, and that running away from life is useless and painful.
Get close to him; try to understand what feelings and
emotions he gets from playing, why he needs it, what are his thoughts and
fears. Family is a dynamic system, what happens to one member inevitably affects
the others. You are a family, his in there too, he was there before he decided
to be isolated. Meet again, or meet for the first time.
You could use the help of a therapist; he could suggest you
strategies to go through the daily life, to all of you, including your brother
that needs to be helped finding that awareness that today he does not have.
Good Luck,
Answer:
Rosa Mininno, psychotherapist
Question:
Silvia, 19 years old
Publication Date: 11/02/2012
For articles about Internet Addictions check out also Is Depression a Sickness?
Check out the original article here
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