Sexual Behavior: high sex drive

-Ask the Expert-

Question:

I am worried, because I am wondering what could be the cause of my behavior. I have a way to high sex drive. All the times I get familiar with a man in my life, I immediately begin to have erotic and sexual fantasies about him. Everything begin when there is a little step over basic acquaintanceship, sometimes a couple of smiles during a conversation are enough.

It happens with my boyfriend’s father (and it happened with the fathers of my ex-boyfriends), with his brother (15 years old), and with his friends. Every time there is a minimum exchange of tenderness with a man I feel the need of having sex with him. The only thing that throws me off is if they are rude with me, if they are extremely ugly, or if they smell bad.

I am an apparently shy girl, but I do have some seductive behaviors. Sometimes I would like to live in a world where everybody is part of a happy community and where sexual promiscuity is not a problem.

Where does this behavior come from?

Answer:

Dear Noe, all of us have the basic need to “seduce”, in the etymological sense of the word (from latin: se – duco =  lead to oneself,) so well over the basic sexual meaning that the word ended up having. All human beings suffer from loneliness, and each one of us tries to overcome it many ways. Often we use words: there are magic moments in everybody’s life in which it is possible to experience deep emotions and intimacy just through talking, letting our defenses down, understanding each others.

At the same time, sexuality is a powerful and unique instrument for this, in its ancestral primitivism that involves the body as well as the soul.

Of course, if through words we create distance, for example by being rude, there will often be an emotional detachment that will not help sexuality.

What you call a "high sex drive", your inclination to behave sexually with the purpose of seducing, maybe too hastily and indiscriminately, seems to be an excessive intolerance for the inevitable loneliness of being human, and a scarce self-esteem in your intellectual skills.

Maybe you do not have enough self-confidence (what you called “being shy”?) and you feel more equipped physically than mentally.

In conclusion, try to better balance and use all the se-ductive tools that you own, focusing on the intellectual ones a bit more.

Best regards,

Answer:

Fabio Fagnani, Psychotherapist,

Question:

Noe, 23 year's old

Publication date: 11/15/2006

Check out the original article here

What is Anxiety Disorder?

-Ask the Expert-


Question:

Hi, since about two years I keep having panic attacks and real or delusional fears. The only way I have to stop it is to take Xanax (Alprazolam) twice a day. There always have to be someone with me. What can I do? 

I don’t want to take drugs for the rest of my life and be terrified by everything.

Thanks for the answer.

Answer:

Dear Patrizia, the problem that you are reporting is a pretty common face of the Anxiety Disorder.

But what is anxiety disorder?

As you probably know, Anxiety is an adaptive experience connected to our ability to foresee our future. By itself Anxiety has a benefic function of protection and awareness in front of potentially dangerous situations. Although, when it persists, it becomes a disturbing experience and can, like in your case, pose limits to one’s life.

Using “technical” terms to describe your situation, in this moment you are suffering of something that we call the “fear of fear”. In other words, your thought is constantly involved in a catastrophic prevision of your whole reality. The result of this can only be “catastrophic” itself. This does not mean that your life is really horrible, but just that you perceive this way because you are stuck in a negative psychological reality that keep feeding itself.

How do you get out of this cycle? How do you stop anxiety?
The answer is simple and complex at the same time. It is simple because your situation is fairly common, and there are plenty of ways to solve it (psychiatrists/psychotherapists can surely be of great help.) It is also hard, because in this moment you have problems accepting professional help since the negative feeling that you perceive of your reality prevents you to have an optimistic hope, and so you tend to rely on symptoms containment therapies (such as the Xanax), rather then starting a real transforming therapy.

In conclusion, my suggestion is to look for a good professional (psychiatrist/psychotherapist) in your area. Think about this: what you are going through right now is filtered by how your mind is perceiving your reality, so your fears and your anxious attacks are only one kind of realities generated by your mind, just one of the many ”worlds” that we think is our reality. But, after all, it is just a mind-loop that can be changed.

Good Luck!

Answer:

Paolo Chellini, Psychotherapist

Question: 
Patrizia, 36 year’s old

Publication date: 12/28/2006

Check out the original article at: rolandociofi's blog

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