Loneliness in Relationship

-Ask the Expert-

Question:

Dear Doctor Zampiron,

I ask genuinely for you to take a look at a husband that repeatedly visited sites from swingers to those for homosexual regardless of consequences. Every time that I discover him continuing this foul act he assures me that it is only a virtual contact and he promised me he would not do it again… but instead he repeatedly violates this promise. 

He tells me that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I am very disappointed that I lost trust; I feel nothing besides full of rage. From one of your TV interviews, you’ve said that it is necessary to communicate but I continue to ask for clarifications while he stays in deep silence in a way that it offends me. 

I am known to be an intelligent person that since the first offense, I tried to have an open mind without being judgmental. Please help me because I want to save this relationship… to the point that I would like to have a direct consultation. Thank you.

Answer:

Dear Stella,

I understand your delusion and the rage that you have when you knew, when you realized and feels “loneliness” in a couple’s relationship. I am on the understanding that, the most important aspect for a good, complete, satisfying, and serene communication between people is principally based on the ability to listen openly for comprehension and to support each other in case of great difficulties. 

It is necessary that between the people themselves to stabilize a relationship based on trust and on security and the transparency in certain situations when it comes down to feelings and emotional experiences. 

In this case, the person who is betrayed of trust and transparency of feelings usually suffers from rage and delusion from the offense, the betrayal that is received from the other.

Rage, delusion, and betrayal comes, like this, lives in even and especially in the relationship of couples when the emotional stability, for some reason, needs to change. Referring to your situation, Stella, I can deduce that your husband, while loving you, discovered an interest, a sexual desire that he wants to satisfy but he is ashamed or have negative feelings and emotions within himself. 

These can be the main reason for your partner to act through denying the problem itself and not allowing for a cleared and transparent conversation with you on this topic, compromising instead the stability and the feelings of the relationship between a couple.

Best wishes.

Answer:

Maria Zampiron, Psychotherapist

Question: 

Stella, 42 years old

Publication Date: 02/16/2009

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