Rage Attacks

-Ask the Expert-

Question:

Hi, I have a problem. I often have rage attacks, i destroy objects and I physically assault people. When the rage fades away, I am left terribly ashamed of myself. 

The targets have always been my boyfriends.

Answer:

Dear Cinzia,

I understand that the frequent rage rushes that you have do not make you live well, regardless of the shame that comes after. After all, rage is the product of the frustration caused by an unsatisfied need, and rage also is often the veil that hides the real need that has to be fulfilled.

This is how the unsatisfied need become an existential problem.

In other words, rage prevents us to understand what is the real need, and this is usually affective. The fact that the targets are always your boyfriends suggests that the emotional need is linked to your relation with men.

So, even though you vent your frustration out instead of keeping it inside, the real problem stays alive and unsolved. Basically, there is an unsatisfying relation with men, and there is your need to solve it. 

But when problems are not properly faced, some behaviors and emotions can instinctively emerge, and become a rage rush. Those actions will later make you ashamed, because they are not perceived as adequate and pertinent.

Ask yourself why you have this rage against objects and boyfriends. Try to understand which are the situations and the external stimuli that make the rage grow, and especially, try to let emerge all your emotions and feelings along with the rage.

Cinzia, my suggestion is to individuate and accept the “real problem” that is buried under the rage. When this will be done, you will be able to face it in a decisive and serious way, so to find a personal equilibrium and a serene emotional relation with people, situations, and the objects around you.

Best Wishes.

Answer:

Maria Zampiron, Psychotherapist

Question:

Cinzia, 35 years old

Publication Date: 10/14/2006

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