How Depressed People Think

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Question:

Hi, It is 3 years that I am in a relationship with a man that suffers since about 10 years of depression and anxiety disorder. He is continuously drowning in his guilt feelings, he does not give any importance to himself or to his existence.

He often speaks about suicide, and, according to him, he would like to die. He alternates hyperactivity periods with ones of complete apathy.

Without any explanation or apparent cause, he passes from being extremely happy and joyful to being depressed and wanting to die. Even when he has been cured with drugs the situation did not improve. He feels always bad.

Now, though, this is affecting me too. 

He told me: “you look for happiness and joy, you would not be happy with me, look for someone that is less complicated.”

I did not answer. I took time to think. I would like to understand, and I ask help to you.

Is he asking for help, or he wants to be left alone? How does a depressed person think?

Thank you.

Answer:

Dear Simona, it is interesting that you ask about “his” mind, that you want to know “how does a depressed person think”, and you say nothing about yourself.

It is 20 years that I am a psychotherapist and I have to confess you that I do not know. I do not know how does a depressed think, because before to be “depressed”, or “euphoric”, or “paranoid”, or “psychotic”, etc.. we are all human beings, and therefore unique. 

So I do not know what or how does he think, I should meet him to know it. And I do not know how to diagnose his depression either (if it is really depression.) Is it reactive? Does it have biological origins? Is it the “down” of the borderline disorder? Is it caused by something buried deep in the past, or it is an existential crisis? I do not know. If I do not speak to him, if I do not see him, if I do not meet him, I do not know.

You ask if he wants to be left alone or if he is asking for help..I do not know. Maybe both. I am sorry that I cannot be more reassuring in a moment in which you clearly need some certainty, but what I think you should do is to move the “subject” of your sentences from him to you.

What do YOU want to do? How do YOU feel with him? What void does his presence fill and what ghosts does he awake? Why did YOU accepted, during these 3 years, to be with a “depressed” person, since this clearly does not help your self-esteem? To understand what does he think, you should first realize where are you in this situation. You should also ask yourself what do you think not only of him and your relationship, but also of your life and what do YOU want to do with it.

My best wishes.

Answer:

Livia Tedaldi, Psychotherapist

Question:

Simona, 22 years old

Publication date: 11/07/2007

For more informations on the topic, check out the article Is Depression a sickness?

Check out the original article here

Emotional Addiction

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Question: 

Can someone suffer of affective and sexual addiction? I decided to begin a psychotherapy for this reason. Maybe it is linked to something in my past, but sure is that I get excessively bound to the women I fall in love with. All my interests disappear, my life becomes unimportant, I constantly look for confirms that she is love with me too, I even try to control her, all my thoughts are for her, until she abandons me, and I am left alone and desperate.

I would like to understand what pushes me to make the person I am in love with responsible for my happiness to the point that I cease to exist.

I realized that the more I grow older and the worse the situation becomes. Every time I suffer more.

In this moment I am desperate, I am fighting with myself, because I am involved in a relationship with a person that is emotionally unstable, and this relationship is killing me. Every time she pushes me away for a reason or another, I start feeling anxious, depressed, frustrated, and paranoid.

My sex drive with her is almost obsessive, I believe that this is because I have low self-esteem and I am always looking for a confirmation that she wants me too.

Also, I am beginning to think that for me, to love her is so much a necessary for my mental stability, that we are not talk about love anymore, it is more like a drug, or worse.

Today I called a psychotherapist and I will begin meeting with him soon. I really hope that this therapy will bring “myself” out, I want to look for happiness within myself, but I really do not know where to start!

Answer:

Dear Paolo,

I think you took the right decision. In fact, only a therapy can untie the knot of feelings in which you are stuck. There are personalities that need other's recognition of their value in order to feel confident and good. As you rightly hypothesized, these are problems that begin in the far past, usually during infancy. 

I understand the torments that you must be facing right now, especially if your girlfriend is, as you said, emotionally unstable, and she does not give you that required security that you need to feel calm and relaxed.

But you understood that it cannot go on like this for your whole life.

I will repeat myself and say it again: you made the right choice in beginning the therapy, and do not worry if you will feel “addicted” to the therapist, that is normal and transitory for personalities such as yours, and it is something that is functional to the achievement of real independence.

Best wishes.

Answer:

Gianna Porri, Psychotherapist

Question:

Paolo, 31 years old

Publication Date: 01/26/2006

Check out the original article here

Social Anxiety: Sweating, Suffocating and Panic Attacks

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Question:

Dear Doctors,

I am writing to you because my social life has been changing recently. In fact, I tend to go out much less now because doing so gives me a lot of physical and mental discomfort. My problem is related to sweating and to strong and bad odor; the problem, I think, instead is not only linked psychologically but more importantly to my ability to respire.

For example, if I find myself in crowded and somewhat heated places, I suffer like a dog; I become paranoid when I feel like I am suffocating and try to avoid places with a possibility of sweating. I would like to know if a septum deviation can solve anything, including palpitation. Thank You.

Answer:

Dear Francesca,

The fact that you asked this question to someone who is specialized in psychology related science brings me to think that there is something inside you that is pushing you to think that there are some psychological component to the problems that you are describing, not only physical.

Surely I do not exclude the importance to put into consideration the problems that are physical and can have a negative impact on your problem, but wait before considering seeing a specialist doctor; as a psychologist, I pay much more attention only the perception that you have on these physical characteristics and the amount of pain it cause you more than the sweating and the bad odor itself. A high pain can become something that can slowly hinder your social relations even more.

I think at the bottom of all this there is an anxiety component that is more or less known and limiting you particularly; connecting it to your social situations, it manifests through your fear of “having something wrong” that the others can tell. Following this hypothesis it can also be considered the palpitation that you’ve quickly mentioned as a very important element to understand your situation better.

Referring back to your question, I have to confirm how much I believe breathing to be the most important element to take in consideration, and to improve on. For example, beginning from techniques that are specific and goal-oriented, with the help of an expert, a path can be found to help you overcome in the best way possible the problems that you’ve said. To conclude this, what I really want to tell you in all honesty is that you must develop more trust and hope within yourself, because the consequence can be seen in these problems.

Wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer:

Manuele Matera, Psychologist

Question:

Francesca, 27 years old

Publication Date: 03/23/2007

For other posts related to Social Anxiety check out Fear of judgment

Check out the original article here 

Sexuality: a weird behavior

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Question:

Hi, since a couple of months I have been experiencing a very embarrassing behavior. I cannot look in the eyes the people I talk to. All the time I find myself looking at the pubic area of guys and the breasts of girls. This embarrasses me, and my interlocutor, that usually reacts by giving me weird looks and covering themselves.

Also, it is about two years that I am not in a relationship, and all the times that I happen to meet a guy that I like, I run away, I avoid talking to him or meeting him again.

With all the guys that I am not interested in, I am calm and extroverted.

I will be waiting for your answer, thank you!

Answer:

Dear Ann, the behaviors that you described highlight a dysfunction in your ability to have interpersonal relations. In fact, they seem to point to an ambivalence in your way of living sexuality, and this brings you to a great curiosity and attraction for sexual body-parts, and at the same time it force you to run away from the possibility of having any kind of relationship.

Sexuality is a very important face of life, because besides having a biological goal, it builds a source of physical and psychological well-being. It is important no to underestimate this. Often, fear of sexuality is linked to a fear of intimacy and closeness, also psychological, with the others, that risk to be perceived as aggressors and so as potential enemies.

It is fundamental to understand where this fear comes from, in order to overcome it and be able to get close to the others with spontaneity, and at the same time to feel serene while living sexuality and relationship.

Have good day, and contact me if you have any other question.

Answer:

Manuela Biagi, Psychologist

Question:

Ann, 29 years old

Publication Date: 10/17/2007

Check out the original article here