What is Compulsive Hoarding?

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How many times before to throw away some old object you thought: “Should I keep it? Maybe it will be useful...?” It is never easy to let go of our stuff, but there are people for whom it is almost impossible. They cannot distinguish between what is important and what is not; they are affected by a pathology: Compulsive Hoarding.

What is Compulsive Hoarding? 

Let's see.

Compulsive Hoarding is often defined as “pathological collecting,” and its is the pathological tendency to keep massive amounts of useless objects to the point that parts of the house (if not the whole house) of the affected become uninhabitable. This usually creates many problems in the life of the subjects, one of them being that they are constantly forced to justify themselves in front of family and friends.

Why do compulsive hoarders keep so much “useless junk” around? Researchers have found that the hoarders are excessively involved towards their properties. Every old grocery receipt, or depleted pen is perceived as part of the subject's person and of his past; so these objects that most people would define “junk”, have a great emotional importance for the hoarder. 

Also, it exists a “functional” hoarding: some compulsive hoarder do not throw away the old hairdryer, or the old toaster, because they believe that they might be useful in the future.

The accumulation of stuff is directly related to complications in planning and organizing: those affected by pathological collecting have limited “mental categories”, and problems in cataloging objects.

Some researches in neuroscience show that the brains of the hoarders handles the problem “throw away or not?” in a very different way from “normal” brains. Specifically, the prefrontal cortex reacts very energically when the subjects are asked to throw away old things. This cerebral area is also stimulated when there is a need to take difficult decisions, or to evaluate feelings or rational thoughts. In fact, compulsive hoarders often lack of decision-making skills.

When a subject recognizes as exaggerate his tendency to keep his stuff , he should see a psychotherapist. Sadly though, compulsive hoarding is only discovered after the subject see a therapist, because it is almost never the original reason. This happens because many compulsive hoarders suffer from depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. One of those reasons is usually what make them set their first appointments.

An efficient therapy includes many exercises to learn how to organize one's mind and how to take decisions, so to lead the patients to reconsider their relations with old, broken, or worthless objects.

Source: http://www.crescita-personale.it/

Publication Date: 09/21/2012

Check out the original article here

Sexual Behavior: Lack of sexual desire

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When one does not want to have sex, is it because of a lack of sexual desire as sexual dysfunction?

No, not always. Sex implies a deep communication between the partners, and to not live sex happily can be caused by many reasons. It is reductive to talk about lack of sexual desire. Before to talk about sexual dysfunctions it is important to check the quality of the relationship with the partner.

How to understand if the sexual partner is the right one?

Some questions can help: do you feel exited during erotic games? And during tactile stimulations? Do you enjoy touching each other? Do you feel physically attracted to each other? Do you feel comfortable being naked in front of your partner? Do you feel free of talking of what sexual practices you enjoy the most? Thinking about these questions might help you identifying the nature of the problem. Also, anxiety can interfere in the quality of the relationship.

What happens to a couple that can find happiness only during sexual intercourses? While during all the other times during the day they argue?

Arguments and discussions that fill the daily routine are the obvious symptom that something does not work properly. Sometimes it happens that the couple takes refuge in sex, to hide the fact that there are real problems. But to hide behind a fake comfort, over time, leads anyways to the decline of the relationship. Problems, as terrible and painful as they can be, have to be dealt with. Only this way it is really possible to recover the well being of the couple.

Is it true that arguments and discussions in a couple can also destroy its sexuality? Why?

The tensions generated by strong emotions, such as hostility, anger, fear of abandonment, or incontrollable jealousy, can start a sequence of behaviors that destroy in deep the relationship. Often couples do not realize that their relationship produced these emotions, and do not immediately see the destructive behaviors created by them. In these cases it is necessary to see, analyze, and modify these behaviors to break the vicious circle that feeds the problems.

Author: Patrizia Marzola, Psychologist

If you are interested in the topic, check out the article Sexual Behavior: High Sex Drive

Check out the original article here

Why war?

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“If you have to go to war, you go with the sack and with the stick, the sack to get hit and the stick to hit.” These words, said by my lawyer while discussing a tough professional situation, made me think. It is true that is better to avoid war, but if in the end it becomes inevitable, then determination, courage and knowledge that you may get some bruises, become necessary.

So I had some fun thinking about how individual and group’s emotions can influence the trend of conflicts, conflicts that involve opposed groups composed inevitably by subjects that have very different roles.

First of all, war has to be “ethic”. It seems impossible to start a conflict if there is not some value to defend. It is a lie. Values “cover” interests, that are usually about power. But nobody can control groups of “soldiers” if he does not give them a noble goal.

My second thought is about contexts. War requires a “theatre”. War requires “rules”. We go to war talking about “rules of engagement”, “intelligent bombs”, “proportionate reactions.” Basically trying to be self-reassured that war will not degenerate. This is a naïve illusion, because war will always degenerate.

Third thing, war is about affections. Who goes to war has the need to don’t feel alone. He has the need to feel loved. The loved ones, the ones that you want to defend, the ones that give you energy, tell you that you are a hero. It is not true. On the other side you can find plenty of other “heroes.”

My fourth though is about fear. War is scary. War is the unknown. War is transformation, is trauma. War is hardness that becomes cruelty. Given this, the natural propensity should be to avoid it. But once again, this is not true. Because war is also adrenaline, promises, bets. If I win… If we win…

War’s literature is enormous. Philosophers, Anthropologists, Psychologists, Politicians… at the end there is always the same conclusion: at this stage of the evolution of our societies wars are unavoidable, they are part of human nature.

What a pity! Humans have not been able to work out different strategies to solve extreme conflicts. Although… maybe thinking about it, studying it, imagining better ways… Who knows!

Author: Rolando Ciofi, Psychologist

Check out the original article here

What is: Effective Communication

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A master asked his disciples: 
‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’
The disciples thought for a while, and one of them said
: ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’ 
‘But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you? ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’ 
The disciples gave him some other answers but none satisfied the master.

Finally he explained: 
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the master asked:
 ‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’

And he concluded: 
‘When they love each other even more, what happens? 
‘ They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.

‘Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’
 
 (Unknown Author)

When I ask you to listen and you start giving me suggestions, you are not doing what I am asking.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I should not feel the way I feel, you are stepping over my sensations. 

When I ask you to listen and you think you have to do something to solve my problems, you disappoint me.

As strange as it can seem…

Maybe that is why prayers work for many. Because God is mute, he does not suggest, he does not try to fix things. Simply, he listens and knows you will solve your things by yourself. So please, hear and listen. And if you wish to speak, wait for your turn and I promise that I will be listening. (L.Buscaglia, La coppia amorosa, Mondadori, 1995)

Anybody who has ever been in a relationship said or heard the sentence “Why you don’t understand me?” This question should be changed into: “How do we build a relationship based on reciprocal understanding?” Realizing what is effective communication is the key to build a better relationship.

To understand does not mean to agree, because it is possible to perfectly understand the other’s point of view, without agreeing with it.

To understand does not mean to give up, on the contrary, the more we can understand and know a person, the more we can be trusted, the easier will be to “sell” our ideas.

But to understand is necessary to be able to listen. We all think we can do that since we are born, but most of us are actually pretty bad at it.

Not be able to listen is the biggest cause of arguments in a couple. During an argument it often happens to not really pay attention to the other’s words, because we are mentally busy preparing an answer.

Active listening means to manifest real interest for what the other person says with words and with non-verbal communication. In Active listening the mind and the body are protruded towards the other, and this allows us to understand the reasons behind a word or an action before to judge or to feel offended or hurt. Basically to listen each other helps to understand each other, and therefore to love each other more.

Author: Roberto Cavaliere, Psychotherapist

For the original post check out here or here