Rage Attacks

-Ask the Expert-

Question:

Hi, I have a problem. I often have rage attacks, i destroy objects and I physically assault people. When the rage fades away, I am left terribly ashamed of myself. 

The targets have always been my boyfriends.

Answer:

Dear Cinzia,

I understand that the frequent rage rushes that you have do not make you live well, regardless of the shame that comes after. After all, rage is the product of the frustration caused by an unsatisfied need, and rage also is often the veil that hides the real need that has to be fulfilled.

This is how the unsatisfied need become an existential problem.

In other words, rage prevents us to understand what is the real need, and this is usually affective. The fact that the targets are always your boyfriends suggests that the emotional need is linked to your relation with men.

So, even though you vent your frustration out instead of keeping it inside, the real problem stays alive and unsolved. Basically, there is an unsatisfying relation with men, and there is your need to solve it. 

But when problems are not properly faced, some behaviors and emotions can instinctively emerge, and become a rage rush. Those actions will later make you ashamed, because they are not perceived as adequate and pertinent.

Ask yourself why you have this rage against objects and boyfriends. Try to understand which are the situations and the external stimuli that make the rage grow, and especially, try to let emerge all your emotions and feelings along with the rage.

Cinzia, my suggestion is to individuate and accept the “real problem” that is buried under the rage. When this will be done, you will be able to face it in a decisive and serious way, so to find a personal equilibrium and a serene emotional relation with people, situations, and the objects around you.

Best Wishes.

Answer:

Maria Zampiron, Psychotherapist

Question:

Cinzia, 35 years old

Publication Date: 10/14/2006

Check out the original article here

Why war?

-Library-

“If you have to go to war, you go with the sack and with the stick, the sack to get hit and the stick to hit.” These words, said by my lawyer while discussing a tough professional situation, made me think. It is true that is better to avoid war, but if in the end it becomes inevitable, then determination, courage and knowledge that you may get some bruises, become necessary.

So I had some fun thinking about how individual and group’s emotions can influence the trend of conflicts, conflicts that involve opposed groups composed inevitably by subjects that have very different roles.

First of all, war has to be “ethic”. It seems impossible to start a conflict if there is not some value to defend. It is a lie. Values “cover” interests, that are usually about power. But nobody can control groups of “soldiers” if he does not give them a noble goal.

My second thought is about contexts. War requires a “theatre”. War requires “rules”. We go to war talking about “rules of engagement”, “intelligent bombs”, “proportionate reactions.” Basically trying to be self-reassured that war will not degenerate. This is a naïve illusion, because war will always degenerate.

Third thing, war is about affections. Who goes to war has the need to don’t feel alone. He has the need to feel loved. The loved ones, the ones that you want to defend, the ones that give you energy, tell you that you are a hero. It is not true. On the other side you can find plenty of other “heroes.”

My fourth though is about fear. War is scary. War is the unknown. War is transformation, is trauma. War is hardness that becomes cruelty. Given this, the natural propensity should be to avoid it. But once again, this is not true. Because war is also adrenaline, promises, bets. If I win… If we win…

War’s literature is enormous. Philosophers, Anthropologists, Psychologists, Politicians… at the end there is always the same conclusion: at this stage of the evolution of our societies wars are unavoidable, they are part of human nature.

What a pity! Humans have not been able to work out different strategies to solve extreme conflicts. Although… maybe thinking about it, studying it, imagining better ways… Who knows!

Author: Rolando Ciofi, Psychologist

Check out the original article here