-Ask the Expert-
day doctors, I would like an explanation on the behavior of the woman
that helps me with my domestic chores. Ever since she’s step foot
in my house, she is constantly venting and bad-mouthing her in-laws
in an obsessive and repetitive way. When her in-laws are dead, she
finds another person to hate: the sister-in-law! Ignoring the fact
that this sister-in-law (after various arguments I assume) is the
same sister that helps her buy groceries! After complaining about
every single relative possible, now she is arguing against
another woman that, like me, uses her for her domestic service.
this woman quite well and we hang out quite often; it irritates me to
have to listen to negative things about her. I realized after a while
that the domestic worker needs to always hate someone. She is
extremely touchy and sensitive to a point that if you are making eye
contact or observing her for any reason, she can be so irritated that she cries. She has very childish attitudes (even if she
is past 50 years old) in a way that if she breaks only a glass (which
can happen to everyone) she tends to hide it.
would like to know if she has some sort of disorder or if it is just
part of her personality. I am baffled and I don’t know how to deal with her anymore, even if until now I’ve adopted a friendly
instructions on how to interact or deal with people do not exist, and
in particular people like the one that you’ve described. From your
mail it is clear that some of the characteristics of your worker
definitely makes the relationship between you two difficult, but what is not clear is the reason you keep letting her work at your house.
extremely touchy and sensitive (and therefore unable to deal with
being observed by others), trying to hide his/her own errors, and
individualizing a “scapegoat” that she can direct all of her rage
and use it to “explain to herself” all that is wrong with her
life, are signs of a deep psychological disorder.
If you’d like to
form a hypothesis (surely a very risky one seeing how little elements
there are to base it on), you can say that she is a person that is
excessively insecure, that is strongly afraid of being criticized and
judged and therefore became extremely critical and aggressive towards
we look back on your relationship with this person, my advice is to
take her how she is, keeping in mind that at the roots of her behavior
there is surely a psychological ailment.
And if you are unable to
tolerate her talking bad about your friend anymore you have all the
rights to tell her; in any ways, keep in mind that anyone of
your statements can become a form of aggression for this woman. If it
is not already like this, you can become one of the people that she
talks bad about with someone else.
that this was able to help, best wishes.
Manuela Biagi, Psychologist
Anna, 54 years old
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