-Ask the Expert-
Question:
I am worried, because I am wondering what could be the cause
of my behavior. I have a way to high sex drive. All the times I get familiar with a man in my life, I
immediately begin to have erotic and sexual fantasies about him. Everything begin
when there is a little step over basic acquaintanceship, sometimes a couple of
smiles during a conversation are enough.
It happens with my boyfriend’s father (and it happened with
the fathers of my ex-boyfriends), with his brother (15 years old), and with his
friends. Every time there is a minimum exchange of tenderness with a man I feel
the need of having sex with him. The only thing that throws me off is if they
are rude with me, if they are extremely ugly, or if they smell bad.
I am an apparently shy girl, but I do have some seductive
behaviors. Sometimes I would like to live in a world where everybody is part of
a happy community and where sexual promiscuity is not a problem.
Where does this behavior come from?
Answer:
Dear Noe, all of us have the basic need to “seduce”, in the
etymological sense of the word (from latin: se – duco = lead to oneself,) so well over the
basic sexual meaning that the word ended up having. All human beings suffer from
loneliness, and each one of us tries to overcome it many ways. Often we use
words: there are magic moments in everybody’s life in which it is possible to
experience deep emotions and intimacy just through talking, letting our
defenses down, understanding each others.
At the same time, sexuality is a powerful and unique
instrument for this, in its ancestral primitivism that involves the body as
well as the soul.
Of course, if through words we create distance, for example
by being rude, there will often be an emotional detachment that will not help
sexuality.
What you call a "high sex drive", your inclination to behave sexually with the purpose of
seducing, maybe too hastily and indiscriminately, seems to be an excessive
intolerance for the inevitable loneliness of being human, and a scarce
self-esteem in your intellectual skills.
Maybe you do not have enough self-confidence (what you
called “being shy”?) and you feel more equipped physically than mentally.
In conclusion, try to better balance and use all the
se-ductive tools that you own, focusing on the intellectual ones a bit more.
Best regards,
Answer:
Fabio Fagnani, Psychotherapist,
Question:
Noe, 23 year's old
Publication date: 11/15/2006
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